Cars

What Would You Do With 1/3 Of An RV?

Illustration for article titled What Would You Do With 1/3 Of An RV?

Screenshot: FB Marketplace

Selling an unfinished project car is almost always difficult. A project started and then stalled usually shows the vehicle at its absolute worst: partially disassembled, every flaw and problem obvious and glaring, the sheer scope of the project revealed bare, and having already claimed at least one victim. Even with that in mind, when I saw this dramatically cut-down old RV I was taken by just how fantastically miserable this thing must be to sell. Then again, at the same time, it’s weirdly compelling — there’s so many possibilities here!

I mean, look at it: It’s a ratty old Ford Econoline-based RV, a 1977 Holiday Rambler, but pretty much all of that holiday has rambled off from the chassis, leaving just the front end cab with its cab-over bunk, and a long, flat platform behind, littered with bits of carpet the color of abandoned chili and asphalt.

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Screenshot: FB Marketplace

There’s not a whole hell of a lot left though, on the plus side, it may be one of the least-worst-smelling late ’70s RVs available for sale.

The seller says it runs (but the brake lines are broken) and the original dream was to turn it into a car hauler, which would have been pretty cool.

Sadly, though, that doesn’t seem to be happening, and instead the seller is asking for a fairly optimistic $1,200.

Looking at this strange beast now, though, which is something like a store-brand version of an E-Series Cutaway, it’s hard not to imagine the things that one could do with this. It’s a literal blank slate, of sorts, and once you start looking, I feel like ideas just keep coming.

Off the top of my head, for example, I had these ideas:

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

A mobile mini golf course! Maybe it could be reconfigurable for different hole layouts?

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

Sure, food trucks are fun, but what about a mobile cookout? Astroturf, a grill, a cooler of beer, a bunch of cooking meats, a picnic table — this would be like a Taste of the Suburbs in any major city — exotic!

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

Once, it was a camper, so why not use it for camping, still? You could adapt your mobile cookout fake grass area with a tree and a campfire, and you could set up any old tent and boom, you can have that idyllic camping feeling anywhere, even in a miserable WalMart parking lot in Fresno.

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

What about an outdoor theater? A bunch of old car seats, a big flat screen TV and your ex’s Netflix password and boom! Outdoor movies in comfort, anywhere.

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

You’d need access to a hose, but a simple mobile pool/waterslide should be possible! Why not? Use that upper deck for the slide!

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

Sim Racing is popular, right? And while modern computers can provide nearly photo realistic graphics, the experience still lacks the sensation of speed, of noise, of wind!

Well, with this trashed RV, an old MGB body, and a big flatscreen monitor and sim racing computer setup, you could have the ultimate sim racing experience, as you fake drive while being real driven! Feel the wind in your hair and, if you can get the truck onto the track you have onscreen and the driver can follow along, even all of the feeling of the track, the curves, the elevation changes, just maybe without the actual speed.

That’s unlikely, but still — on some backroad, it’ll feel close enough.

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

Who likes free energy? We all do, dammit. So mount a windmill on that flatbed and capture that wind energy and store it in batteries! Just don’t do the math about drag or whatever and it’ll be great!

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Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

What about a mobile observatory? A big telescope on a turntable, drive out way away from city lights, and you have everything you need to discover new asteroids or comets or finally see the movie studios on Venus where the moon landings were faked.

I want to hear your ideas, now! This miserable sad abortive RV project has the potential to turn into something amazing, and I’m sure you’re all dripping with ideas, so have at it! Tell me in the comments!

Just fix those brake lines first.

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